COOL ... FUN AT WORKPLACE..

Sometimes it so happens that some discussions really become so funny that they remain in memories forever.. here are few incidents which are very recent ones..

Chumma - It is hindi word or a tamil?

For those who do not know.. In hindi chumma means a Kiss and

in tamil .. Chumma means .. "simply" means " just like that"


Once me, Sangeetha ( team member.. tamil), Justin( team member.. tamil) and Savita ( from delhi) were having lunch in the food court.

Sangeetha was teasing Justin by name of a girl.. I asked.. " what justin.. are you serious about that girl"

Justin says.. " No Shivraj.. just Chumma".. ( he meant.. just simply)..

but savita understood differently..

her question " what is this yaar.. disgusting.. you are not going to marry her? you want only Chumma?"

justin says " yest Savita.. I am not serious.. just chumma"

It was when I explained the meaning to all, Justin and savita regained their normal face expressions

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Manners.....

Again the tamil mania..

Me and Justin( tamil) were talking on some official topic and suddenly Sangeetha arrives and shares her view on same topic but talks in tamil to Justin.. I am not able to understand anything.

I got little annoyed and asked.. " what is this.. I should also understand right? " Dont' you have Manners?

Sangeetha: NO .. I dont' have manners

I said back.. Any ways.. Manner is a word made only for Man... ladies are not expected to have it..

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left???? Or Right

This is how to frustate a person

A very busy Officer .. came running to me. He looked very much frustated because of some issue. He had come for a quick help from my boss.

he came and asked... Shivraj........ Krish has Left??

My answer... Yes... Krish has Left and right both....

You should have seen his face..........

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A Smart Question

In the lift.. I do not remember the person.. He asked me some tricky question related to some logic or something.. I could not answer..

I said.. i will ask a question.. a simple one.... We are into a Lift.. why it is called a Lift??

He said.. because It lifts a person....

My question.. then when we are going down in the same... why it is still called as LIFT??

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BAD WORDS.. TRY CHANGING THE LANGUAGE.. ITs FUN

One of my Punjabi friends has habit of Firing the Hindi bad words.. any time any place.. Once we were in a group and he said...

Dimag Ki Maa Behen Ek ho gayi hai...

There were some girls around and hence the sentenced looked very dirty.. My suggestion to him.. If you cannot control your bad words.. change the language.. you can say same sentence in English as

It has been Mother Sister Get together of my Brain

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Some funny questions... Its habit?

You will see some guys having habit of asking friendly yet very sily questions.. This is a good habit of getting into a gesture yet.. i see funny side of it..

Navneet is nice friend of mine..

he asked..

Kya sir.. aaj kal dikhte nahi ho?

My answer: " Dikhunga kaise saale.. Mujhe Mr. India ki watch mil gayi hai.. mujhe dekhna hai to Red specs pehenlo..."

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Another question...

Navneet: Kya sir.. sab thik thak hai??

My answer: Nahi.. Obama ki wife beemar hai... Davayi karega??

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Some short - forms and My full forms for them

TPVS

TPVS is a system utility which means .. transportation Planning and vehicle scheduling.. This is used to plan the truck loading from Factories to depots..

My collegue Justin was told to use the same for supply to Customers.. He came and asked me... " Shivraj .. what is TPVS?""

My answer.. It is TERI PURI VAAT - LAGANEWALA SYSTEM"

And it really proved so... This guy really struggled to use this system...

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SOP .. it means .. standard operating procedure..

We use this document for drafting all the procedures which need to be followed may be for any program execution or a process..

My Version.. We were in a con-call with a factory and we had given the SOP document for the steps to be executed. however they were doing the same correctly sometimes and sometimes they were doing it wrongly..

I blasted and said... SOP is standard operating procedure and not SOMETIMES OPERATING PROCEDURE.

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COMP- OFF.. It is weekly off taken for any of the holiday in week worked.. so it is a compensatory off.

One day i discovered one of my Support team member had not come to office.. I asked him.. why he is absent.. he says.. " Sir it is my COMP- OFF". i was surprised.. i was very sure he had not worked on any sunday.. then how comp- off...

My reply... Sirji.. Comp - off is meant for Compensatory Off and not Complementory Off for doing exceptional job other days...

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NAGPANCHMI....

Nagkumar Dhanashree is one of our officers here. I sometimes used to call him Nag( snake).

On his birthday.. I wished him saying... Happy NAGAPANCHMi.. every one around had a laugh on the same.

Next day Nag came and said.. many people are calling me nagpanchmi.. I said then what are you waiting for.. go and puch them.

He was surprised...

I explained.. When they are saying Naag - Punch - me. You are fully authorized to Punch them.. they them self are saying...Punch me...

Then you should have seen his smiling face..

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HUMOR-- REAL ONES IN MY OFFICIAL EXPERIENCES.

Hi all,

I have been into the current company for quite a long time now and have always enjoyed my work. My work experience is full of humorous moments

I am fortunate enough that i always got best moments to laugh with and then I will add more masala to make them more funny. Here I am sharing these moments which I am sure you will enjoy. Please note that many of them are dramatized a little.

TRIP TO TRAMBAKESHWARA

Trambakeshwara is a place near Nasik where there is famous shiva temple and Jyotirlinga (Shivalinga). We, the Officers from silvassa factory happen to visit there as a group tour in 2003.

When we reached there, it was raining a little and there was huge que to enter temple. People were standing in that mild rains. Me and one of other officer from our group went and stood in the que. However there were 5 others who did not join the que and were discussing something. One of them " Atanu " came and uttered.

" Shibu.. in spite being HLL employee, you want to stand in que?" try convincing the officials or the Poojaris there for the back entry.

I said .. boss.. I am a common man like all others and even if it takes 10 hours, i will go in that que. You try whatever you want.

So me and other friend started walking in that silent que. We decided to bring some life in that que and started loudly Chanting " OM NAMAH SHIVAY". Immediately the crowd also started along with us.

Slowly we moved to 4th line after half an hour nd happen to see back at the end where our friends had joined the que.. I shouted..

Atanu.. what happened?

Atanu: Arey those guys are asking for 1,500 each for back- gate entry.. so we have become common man like you now.. OM NAMAH SHIVAY...

:) :)

Snakes and Dogs does not bite a Drunken person

Hanamant Kumbhar joined as a engineer and he was a deadly entertainer. On a lunch table once he said.

" Snakes and dogs does not bite a person who is drunk "

everyone including our manfg. manager got stunned with the statement and asked what is the logic behind this..

hanamants answer... have you ever heard that Dog or snake has bitten a drunk person??

We said "NO"...but "Why is it so?"

he said.... after having a drink, the person walks in a zig zag fashion.. This is exactly like a snake walk and hence snake thinks the guy is from their community and does not bite..

Whereas the dogs looks in eyes of a drunken person. The persons eyes will be red after a drink and dogs think the person is from their community and hence they too do not bite.

We were uncontrollable after this....................... :)

Why Bread Pakoda becomes CUTLESH in GUJRAT whereas it is called as CUTLET in MUMBAI

Hanamant, me and few others discussing in pantry while eating bread pakoda. Hanamant asks.. do you know why this is called as CUTLESH here and not CUTLET??

Surprised with the question, we raised our eye brows...

He tells the amazing story.. I quote in his words

" In Mumbai, it is called as CUTLET. when you travel by train from Mumbai to Vapi you will realise that till Boisar, it called as CUTLET and after that it starts becoming CUTLESH.. The reason is that the names of people in GUJRAT often ends with "SH"

example: Kamlesh, Shailesh, Paresh.... and people are so used to it that they started calling CUTLET as CUTLESH..."

:)

You must be kidding if u say after hearing this.. any one would have controlled his laugh...

DOES DADA KNOW MARATHI?

one night, me and Dipesh ( marathi room mate) were talking in Marathi. Our bong dada was quietly listening to us and after some 10 minutes said

" I was staying in mumbai with some marathi friends so i can understand marathi very well. I was trying to catch up what all you were speaking" We also thought might be true.

The very next day when we returned from office, dada was watching a Telugu serial on E- TV telugu. I said

" Dada.. you will go mad watching these telugu serials which you do not understand".. He started laughing and said .. " I thought this is marathi channel and I am watching it for last half an hour to understand what they are speaking."....

Oh God save.. this man...

The Great " BHULLKAD" Room mate

A very good friend of mine " Ramesh" ( changed name) had this habit of forgetting things very quickly. There were many incidences because of this habit of his.. here are few of them.. (Some of them are dramatized a lot ).. sorry dear Ramesh..

Searching Something...

One a fine afternoon, when we all were watching TV, Ramesh had just come out from market, parked his bike, kept the purchased things in his room and then decided to go back for hair cut.

He was searching something everywhere. He was searching near TV, inside kitchen, below the table..

I asked " Ramesh what are you searching with helmets on your head?" He quickly starts laughing and says.. " Saala.. i am searching for Helmet only not realizing that I am already wearing it". :)

Can you believe it?

The Pillion seat on Ramesh's Bike

Ramesh used to go to office on his bike with another room mate of of us.. " dada". Dada would sit behind his bike as a pillion.

Once on the way office.. there was a road construction going on and hence Ramesh had to stop his bike for a while. Dada thought that he will get down and then Ramesh will drive alone, cross the place where construction work is ending and then again he will sit.

So dada got down, Ramesh did not realise the same and he went alone.. Dada was running behind, shouting for some time and then gave up realising that Ramesh had not noticed him at all. I was coming by auto behind when this incidence was happening. I was seeing Dada running behind. The I took Dada in auto and we went to office.

The moment we reached office, dada shouted at Ramesh " Sala.. kamina.. mereko Chhodke aagaya"..

Ramesh is cool in saying.. "I never realized.. in fact on full road i came talking with you, I stopped outside the gate so that you get down and then when I came inside office, some one asked where is Dada, I told them you are at the gate and coming inside."

:) Height of ignorance.. isnt' that?

TRING TRING.. A CALL MAKES YOU FORGET EVERYTHING : ( dramatized)

There was a team dinner in one restaurant which was around 200-300 mts from our room. All of us were celebrating payment efficiency for the factory.

Suddenly Ramesh got a call from his fiancée ( he was recently engaged that time). He went out to talk to her. Could not hear properly so went on road and started talking while walking.

walk and talk

Walk and talk

Walk and talk

continued for some time and he reached our room. He entered room as if he has come from office, had a dress change and nicely sitting and watching TV.

It is when I called him to find out where he is, he realized that he was in a party and had not even finished his dinner...

You guess now.. what would have been our state there...

Visit to head office with ramesh

This is one of my Favorite. I happen to take him to head office for introducing to the central buying team.

We entered the east wing and first person we met was Seshadri, a nice person who gave us warm welcome and explained the processes to Ramesh for 2 hours.. from 11.00 am till 1.00 PM. We went for lunch with him, had lunch with him and then he went for PAAN so we returned to office but this time I took Ramesh to another person by name Jayaraman in west wing.

Jayaraman also slightly looking similar to seshadri but there were not alike like twins.. However when I told Ramesh that we have to again go to seshadri.. he is asking me " which seshadri and who is the one with whom we are currently sitting?" He thought that we are still with the same person with whom we were sitting before lunch.

How can you forget face of a person with whom you are there continuously for three hours?? Unbelievable..:)))

OLD - POETIC DAYS..

I liked writing poems during college days. It started by writing on teachers and then continued to be on topics like politics, nature,etc. Could not reach to any highs in this but have some memorable ones. I am Publishing them here. This may encourage me to write more....

क्या होती है कविता?

जो बात शब्दों में न हो बयां,
जब दर्द सुना न पाए जुबां.
तब शब्दों को सिमट कर बने जो दास्तां
यारों उसी को कहते है कविता.

जिस पल तकलीफ सुने न कोई अपनी,
जिस दिन ज़िन्दगी जलाये बनके अग्नि
धारा बनकर दस्तक दे जो देवता,
यारों उसी को कहते है कविता

ना पत्थर से जब मार सकता हूँ किसीको
ना तलवार से मिटा सकता हूँ जब किसीको,
गोली बनकर शब्दों में निखरे जो सरस्वती माता
यारों उसी को कहते है कविता

कवी की प्रेमिका है कविता, कवी का प्यार है कविता
भूके पेट पर भी आराम दिलाये वह सहारा है कविता
जो किसीके दिमाख में ना आये, वोह है बड़े कवियों की कविता...
और जो सब का मन बहलाए, यारों उसी को कहते है शिवराज की कविता

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This is when I discovered some body was already having a boyfriend

Teri yaadein

सब कुछ भुला चुके है हम, सिवा एक तेरी याद के,
सपने आज भी दिल में है तेरी एक इकरार के.
तू असलियत में न सही, तेरी यादें ही सही,
हम आज भी भूके है जानम, तुम्हारे एक दीदार के

दिल के टुकड़े तो तुने कर दिए, उनको पाँव तले भी दबाया,
खुशी कैसे मिली तुजे जो हसकर ज़ख़्म और बढाया
तेरी कसम ज़ालिम बुरा न लगा हमें,
बस तक़दीर पे थोड़ी तरस खाके हमने खुदको समजा दिया.

भरोसा नहीं करेंगे अब हम किसीपे, दिल मना करता है,
तेरी वजह से ज़ालिम, यह अपनों से भी खफा रहता है
जब जब आती है तेरी व्हो दर्द देने वाली यादें,
यह बेचारा दिल, होशों हवास खोके, रोता है.

ज़खामों को हम खूरेदेंगे, उनपर नमक भी चिद्कयेंगे,
दिन और रात भर, तेरी यादों को ताज़ा करते रहेंगे.
चाहे अब मौत भी दस्तक दे दरवाज़ों पे हमारी,
तेरे दिए हुए दर्द लेकर जी रहे है, उन्हें लेकर ही मरेंगे.

तू खुश रहे फिर भी, दुआ यही है दिल की,
तू जिसे ज़िन्दगी में चाहे, वोह तेरे करीब हो,
तेरे बीना, में जीकर भी क्या करूँ
मेरी बाकी ज़िन्दगी तेरे नसीब हो.

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फौलाद का जिसम : यह देशभक्ति गीत मैंने कारगिल लड़ाई के दीनो लिखा था.

फौलाद का जिस्म हो, पत्थर का सीना

अपने देश के लिए ही बस अब हमको है जीना!!

दुश्मन चाहे कितने भी हो, हम न उनसे डरेंगे,

मौत भी आये हमें, हम तो फिर भी लड़ेंगे

देश की आजादी को हामें सदियों ताक रखना

अपने देश के लिए ही बस अब हमको है जीना!!

**

काटों पर भी चलेंगे भी हम, शोलों में भी जलेंगे

देश के दुश्मन पर अब हमसे नहीं बचेंगे

आज़ादी को इसकी हमें सदियों तक रखना,

अपने देश के लिए ही बस अब हमको है जीना!!

**

भारत अपनी माता है, हम बेटे है इसके,

इसपर आंच ना आएगी कभी, कहते है कसम से,

शान को इसकी हमें ऊँचा है रखना,

अपने देश के लिए ही बस अब हमको है जीना!!

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NALAYAKON SERIES
For Amli - Silvassa officers who had just got stuck in similar profiles over years..

Aaj kal kya Chal raha hai Silvassa mein Bhai,
Kyon nahi ho rahi hai kisiki bidayi?

Kya ho gaya? sab settled ho gaye poori tarah se?

Silvassa itna acha ho gaya, M.D. ki duva se? ( M.D: mohan delkar, the MP from silvassa)

Mukesh Bhai, koshish bandh ho gayi teri? Ashish saale, general shift mein vaat nahi lag rahi teri?

Hanamant bhai, tu saale, Udhar se hi retire hoga? Kya hamari Amli ki machinon ko zindagi bhar satayega?

Seshu dear, zyada talcum stomach cancer kar deta hai, Iske liye bolta hoon, bahar ki duniya mein achi hava hai...

Rakesh Bhai, tere kya hai kehne, hamesha rahega kya Amli ka Uniform pehne?

Shekhar, tujhe to abhi vapi se election ladhna hi padega, Sabse purana hone ka tuhi udhar zhanda gadega.

Abhishek aur Pramod, tum thoda aur tike raho, Hum logon ne saha hai saalo, tum bhi thoda aur Saho.

koi hamare Vijay aur Rahul sahab ko award de dena. Silvassa mein half centuri bananeki advance mein badhayi de dena.

Prakash gurkha ko pada rehne do udhar hi, seat se nahi uth pata, khol denge udhar kabar bhi.

Biswanath bhai ki zindagi to haram hai, uske liye jitna kaam mile vahi aaram hai.

Ganesh prabhu ka to company hi sasural hai, biwi nahi to kya huva, mariaappan ke khane mein hi kamal hai.

yogesh tere liye to wahi jagah acchi hai, ghar ki murgi, aur company ki daal donon me maza sacchi hai.

Mera bas yahi hai kehna, bura mat manana doston Ki aage badho duniya mein, nahin to pachtana padega barson.

Chahe hindustan lever mein hi raho, par naya naya kuch sikho, Umar dhal jaayegi ek din, phir bhi unpad kehlaoge nalayako.

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NALAYAKON..World environment day manao... : Poem was written on environment day

Sulag uthi hai dharti, Insaan ke ha..ha..kaar se,
Jal raha hai aasma, badhte inke atyachar se.
Madat karo ye dharti ke putra, Amli ke wasiyon,
environment day manao, sab ek saath nalayakon..

Seshu, ek din talcum plant band rakh dena,
Uthta hua talcum ka dhooaa, rok lena

biswanath dada, aaj scrap mein koi squeezing nahi hogi,
Saale zara soch, is se kitni gandagi ghategi?

Abhishek saale, aaj cigarate mat piyo,
thoda environment thik ho jaayega, tum bhi thoda aur jiyo..

Mukesh, aaj ke liye poora transport band kar dena,
Gaddiyon ki bajay, aaj GHODA ya BAIL gaadi chala lena.

Hanamant, aaj koi bhi machine mein OIL nahi chadega,
Soch isse, kitni saari khudayi se kuwait bachega?

VP bhai, aaj ETP mein saaf paani bharo,
Kuch to apne pyare bacteria doston ki fikar karo!

Gaurav aaj Pepsi ka production band kar dete hai,
kyonki, pesticide se nature ke kide marte hai.

jaitesh aaj cadburry, insect daale bina bana dena.
Isse amitabh ko jaanewala paisa bhi bacha lena.

Rasheed bhai, parachute mein paani zyada bharo,
Coconut ki requirement thodi aur kam karo..

Kapil sharma, tu aaj pehli baar, Brahmachari rehna.
Bahar feke Con_om se dharati ko bachana.

Ashish saale, aaj laminate nahi, paper mein shampoo bharo,
Plastic hai khatarnak, apne environment se pyaar karo.

Abhijeet saale, thoda influence chala dena,
Aaj ITC mein cigarette ki bajay, LOLLYPOP banva lena.

Neeraj saale thoda aaj for a change kaam karo,
Apna ek kilo weight kam karke, dharti ka bhoj kam karo..

Nitan doctor, salary moh maya hai, isko is mahine, double pay kar do.
Sabhi workers ko daaroo pilake, duniya se daaro khatam kar do..

Prakash Gurkha ji, aaj aap computer bandh karke, electricity bachao,
thoda utho apni jagah se, apne sit ke niche ki dharti ko bachao.

Vijay sahab, aap to bas aaj ek baar ghar zaldi jaana,
Raat ko bhokne wale kutton ko aaj aaram de dena.

Shekhar dear, TPM se dharati kharab hoti hai,
Aaj bina TAPE maare TPM karna, phir asliyat samaj mein aati hai..

Chota chatriya, aaj bas muskurayega,
end of the shift " lowest production ka" zanda gadega.

Rakesh ji, aap thoda aaj electricity bachao,
Sabhi computer bandh karwake, ground mein dhoom machaooo.

Jwalant/yogesh/ Prabhu tum log aaj bach gaye, nahi hai mere paas time,
Phir bhi jo ho sake kar lena, environment kharab karna hai crime.

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NALAYAK : VP SHARMA.. the most dedicated person in HUL

Sidhe Sadhe hai hamare Vedprakash Sharma sahab,

Pure Dadra mein Chaa gaye, Silvassa ke hai ab nawab.

Inke jitni mahanata, bade bade Sadhu logon mein nahi milti, Ab yeh waqt ki baat hai ki inki kismat abhi tak nahi khulti.

Na parva hai inhe, apne swasth ki, na yaron ki, na doston ki, hamesha pade rehte hai ETP ke paas, ginne sankhya Bacteriaon ki..

Salary Slip ke details inke liye hai sirf kuch numbers ke barabar, Challenge hai unko, mail ka reply kar de apni basic salary kitni hai batakar..

EK gaal par mara to doosra aage kar denge, Doosre pe bhi maara to Pichwada bhi de denge.

Na kisika bura kar sakte hai, na kisika bura chahte hai, Akele hi rehna pasand hai inhe, Shayad hi kisiko pehchante hai.

kisne na jaane inhe QC mein daal diya, inke liye to har material reject hona chahiye, Specifications gaye tel lagane, bas saaf suthri gaddi mein maal aana chahiye.

Pyare VP sahab, mahanata pet nahi bhara karti, Bacteria se dosti zindagi bhar nahi raha karti

Sudhar ja mere dost, Abhi yeh kuch karne ki ghadi hai, Bol " Vande mataram " aur ja Job search mein, companies tere raah mein khadi hai...
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